Are you the one spoiling your child?

three children sitting on stairs
Photo by samer daboul on

“I hope you do not scold the kids ,my child hits, He gets fun out of doing it” said the lady as she put her smartphone on the desk. Without thinking much I just said “Why?” ” Because my child is precious to me and even we don’t scold or restrict the kid”

I gave the lady my perspective sitting on the Counselors seat in my preschool. Later when she left I wondered how good this mindset was! Most of my education was in Kolkata, in a small  Anglo Indian school. My school wasn’t too big but it had the best of teachers, our Principal Mr Rozario was strict and there were times the boys were canned. I remember hurriedly polishing shoes before assembly, checking the knot of the tie in the mirror before leaving home.

That was one face of him however during celebrations things were different. On teachers day we danced merrily with the teachers and principal as if we they were amongst us. Yet there was a demarcation, a line of respect between us. Believe me I am unable to digest the over pampering of kids.

I do not do that in my school.

I am strictly against corporal punishment or ill treating the child. My love for kids does not allow corporal punishment. But not correcting a child verbally when he/she does wrong is the worst thing we can do to them and a teacher is not meant to do that! We have our own ways like teachers getting on our knees and explaining things to the kid, time outs. Shouldn’t a teacher be the one who teaches the child not just alphabets but also life skills???

It breaks my heart to see so many schools getting into the mode of over pampering kids and parents to the extent that the kids cannot take failure. I was shocked to see my son cry when he lost in Musical chair game during his birthday!!! That is the time I knew I had to explain that winning is not as important as participating. When another mommy suggested I give him a gift as well, I resented. I love my son, I didn’t want to see him cry but I wanted to get into the root of the issue. I wanted him to take failure as much as success. From then on whenever he participates in an event I ensure I tell him its OK not to win, we must congratulate the winner friend. It gives me peace that he does it now.

Being a Counselor comes with a responsibility. I am the representative of my school. I share with parents the ideologies we work on, I train my teachers to deal with certain situations. I am extremely possessive about the learning and grooming of the children of my school. So much that I miss them during vacations, call up parents if the child doesn’t turn up to school for few days. They are my children. At times it hurts when you connect with a child to that extent. We have to strike a balance between protecting our kid and exposing them gradually towards an emotionally strong child. At the end  we want the best for our children. What better than making them capable of handling their emotions on their own.

Children are sensitive, they are raw, parents should take time out of their schedule and patiently explain to them what is good and what is not. If a child hits he should be explained that hitting someone and causing them pain is not OK. Believe me children listen and grasp it when you give them time and discuss. Tell them your friend is in pain when you hurt them, do you want to cause them pain and they will definitely say NO.

Love your child unconditionally but remember to raise them with a correct balance because the world wont over pamper them when they grow up!


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